Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
