Already got asked if we're dating
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
