I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
