i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
