the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
