Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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