Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My life is pants optional.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
