Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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