I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
