You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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