Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
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