"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
