If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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