pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
