My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We got so high we made milksteak
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
