i permit you to call me
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
