Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
