Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
