Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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