what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
