when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
