They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
