I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
