Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
