She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
