You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
