the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
