Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
