he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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