I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
