ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's never too late to be topless.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
