I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
