Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
