No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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