I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
