My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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