Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
