remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
