So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
