for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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