No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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