i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
