best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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