We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
