Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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