I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
