So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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