he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
