you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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