Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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