It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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