filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
