i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
do herpes really smell.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
