her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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